Sam's Secret
by TeamTamAndJannyFTW
Summary: When Sam's given a shocking diagnosis she keeps it to herself. Leaving Tom in the dark about her illness. Will she risk losing the man that she loves or will she tell him about her health issues.
1. Chapter 1

_She stared at the scan holding it in her hands. Wishing that it would just go away. But it wasn't and there was only so much she could do to deny it. She had to get this problem sorted out and soon. It all started a few days ago when she started getting mysterious abdomen pains. Thinking nothing of it. _

_She took a few painkillers wishing that it would go away. But it never. And now here she was staring at a scan she'd performed on herself after suffering those pains again. She had been to see Zoe to get a second opinion. Lying that the scan belonged to a patient. She was sure Zoe saw right through her cover story but never said anything. _

_She quickly placed the scan into her pocket when she saw her boyfriend approaching her. She didn't want to bother him with this. This was her problem. And she was going to deal with it herself. _

_He looked at her with concern written all over his face. She didn't dare to tell him that she was having those pains again. After insisting to him it was just period pains. She'd done a secret urine test and when that came back clear. That's when she knew it was something serious._

_None the less she approached her boyfriend with a smile. She didn't want him to think something was wrong. So she pushed her problem to the back of her mind. She was going to deal with that later. _

_"Is everything okay?" Tom asked with a concern look on his face._

_"Why wouldn't it be?" she answered in the most normal voice possible. _

_"Good to hear no more of them mystery pains?" he asked_

_"I already told you Tom. They were just period cramps" she lied pure and simple. _

_As if nothing was wrong. But he didn't seem to notice any change of tone in her voice. Suddenly the scan she did earlier. Felt like ten pounds in her pocket. _


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Quick Thank You for All the Reviews & Follows. Much Appreciated. **

Sam woke early the following morning, a sharp stabbing pain shot across her stomach causing her to awake as she untangled herself from Tom's firm hold she got up as quietly as possible and headed into the bathroom in need of some pain relief as she opened the cupboard and stretched up to reach the box of painkillers another stabbing pain shot across her stomach. She couldn't help but yelp in pain as it increased. One hand on her stomach.

Her eyes filling up with tears as the pain got worse. But she got the paractomol from the cupboard and washed out the cup which held hers and Tom's toothbrushes. Before she took the painkillers and doing so another stabbing pain shot across her stomach.

This time she really couldn't help but yelp as the glass slipped from her grip and hit the floor with a thud. She slumped to the floor clutching her stomach in agony. The sooner she got this problem looked at. The better. As she lay holding her stomach she remembered what Zoe had said when she'd given her the scan.

_"Well there aren't any obvious signs of pregnancy. If the patient is in mid twenties and suffering abdomen pains. I would run a urine test and kidneys" said Zoe as she clutched the scan._

_"I've already done that and the tests came back clear" Sam explained. _

_"Right well I say the problem lays within in the womb and ovaries" said Zoe._

_"Right thanks" Sam said taking the scan away and left._

Tom turned in his sleep his hands searched under the sheets clearly looking for Sam's and when all he felt were the sheets his eyes shot open. Where Sam should be laying was an empty space his mind wondering where she had got to and when he heard a whimper coming from the bathroom he connected Sam's disappearance and the sound coming from the bathroom

He quickly got dressed and headed in direction of the bathroom to see Sam on the floor. Hands clutching her stomach. Tears in her eyes. It was obvious to Tom that something was seriously wrong. Sam wasn't one to cry especially not in pain. He quickly kneeled down beside her and could see a cut running across the palm of her hand he noticed the broken glass of what appeared to be a glass cup.

he quickly got the first aid box out of the cupboard and cleaned up Sam's wound before dressing it. He knew better then to argue with her. But if the stomach cramps were that bad surely she'd get them looked at.

_Sam's mind was racing. This was payback she thought. For cheating on Dylan while in the army, karma had come and kicked her in the backside. And now she was paying the price for it. With these abdomen pains. She'd always taken life for granted. Being in the army never phased her one bit. But now it seemed the things she got up to back in those days. Were finally catching up with her._


	3. Chapter 3

_Two Updates in one day! I'm on a roll. I thought I would give you the chapter you've all been waiting for. The one that explains just what's going on with Sam. Please Enjoy & Review. Thank you. _

_Chapter Three – Sam's Diagnosis _

"Sam Nicholls?" called the consultant as he popped his head around the corner from his office. Sam got to her feet after hearing her name being called. It was now or never. She sighed to herself, she had to know what was going on and what this problem was. As she walked into the office. She sat herself down on the chair and waited for the consultant to start.

"Right we have your results but I'm afraid it's not good news" he started off. "Right give me the worst" Sam asked, she had patients to see and couldn't be away from the department for long before anyone noticed that she disappeared.

"I'm afraid it is what we suspected you have endometriosis, and I'm also afraid to tell you that it's an advanced form. Which has spreaded to your womb and ovaries which will make any chances of you becoming a mother very slim in deed" explained the consultant

"And in the rare chance that I could become pregnant?" Sam asked.

"In cases like yours pregnancy is most likely to end in miscarriage" finished the consultant. Hearing this shattered Sam's and Tom's plans to have children in the future. How was Sam ever going to tell Tom this. It would destroy him. He wanted a family and now that was slipping away like water.

Sam left the office with a prescription in her hands the consultant had given her one for a set of strong painkillers to help with the cramps. But no painkillers could comprehend what had just happened. She fought back tears as she made her way back into the department. Throwing herself into her work seemed the perfect excuse to keep her mind busy.

But before Sam had chance to see her next patient of the day Zoe had asked her for a word in her office. Sam sighed to herself this was the last thing she wanted to do especially as she was still accepting her diagnosis herself... She sat down in the chair and Zoe sat in hers.

"Sam what did the consultant say?" asked Zoe.

"Don't know what you mean" Sam muttered not looking at her.

"I know that scan was yours. It wasn't a patient's did you honestly think I brought that story?" Zoe asked in a near serious tone of voice. Sam was always a rotten liar even she had to admit that.

"So, what did he say?" Zoe asked once more.

Sam sighed to herself she looked at Zoe before she took a deep breath.

"_I've got endometriosis"_ Sam muttered. There she'd finally said it. Now it seemed true as much as she didn't want to believe it.

"Oh Sam Does Tom Know?" Zoe asked her. She saw Sam shake her head. Zoe sighed to herself.

"Sam you shouldn't be alone in this. Don't you think Tom has a right to know? He loves you, he'll understand" Zoe said calmly

"God no he doesn't. He doesn't love me. He loves what he thought I could give him a child" Sam said scornfully.

"Right well I'm signing you off duty. You can take a few days off so it gives you time to get your head around everything and I'll see you in a few days. When your fit for work" Zoe said.

"I'm perfectly capable of working! It's not like I have a physical problem. I've only been informed my chances of becoming a mother are partially zero!" Sam snapped the tears finally falling. She wiped them away furiously. Just then there was a knock on the door. And Robyn poked her head around

"Sorry to interrupt but there's a house fire on its way in ETA 5 minutes" she said.

"Okay thanks Robyn. Sam we'll talk a bit more afterwards. You can work. But cubicles only. Understood?" Zoe muttered

"Understood" Sam replied as she watched Zoe leave.


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: I think 'Trying Not To Love You' By Nickelback Explains Sam & Tom really well. Have a listen and let me know what you think and see if you agree again thanks for the reviews. Much appreciated. You may think Zoe's a little harsh to Sam in this chapter. But Zoe's only doing it because she cares. I wanted to show a little bit of they're friendship as well and also quick warning left on a cliff hanger._

_*Later That Day*_

Sam's shift was slowly coming to an end she'd gone against Zoe's wishes and had gone out to the fire. To help Dixie and Jeff and when she had returned with them bringing the trolley in to a furious looking Zoe. Sam was sure going to get some ear ache for her actions. Not just that the cramps had started again. With this Sam hadn't asked the patient whether they had any allergies.

And had proceeded with giving pain relief only for the patient to have a near death allergic reaction. Sam had never endangered a patient before. She was angry at herself for letting her personal affairs interfere with her work. For the second time that day Sam found herself in Zoe's office waiting to hear her fate.

"Sam I told you, you were on cubicle duty didn't I, and you objected to my orders. And not only that you let your personal affairs interfere with your work and with that you endangered the life of a patient. I have no choice not to suspend you. You can come back in a few days once you've taken some time out. You are in no fit state to be working as it is. What was I thinking letting you work in your situation. Get out of my sight before I change my mind about reporting it." Zoe finished taking a breath.

Sam nodded in silence. One more screw up and she would be out on her ear with no job. But endangering the life of a patient was one thing she'd never done before and already she regretted her actions not sticking to cubicles. She should have known going against Zoe's wishes would have backfired big time.

Sam left the office soon later ashamed at herself but she pushed it to one side when she noticed Tom waiting for her. He'd heard. She didn't think she could bear another telling off especially from her boyfriend. Tom looked at her with concern. Before he approached her.

"So what did she say?" He asked

"Suspended" Sam muttered so quietly almost as if she was ashamed. She walked away from him wanting to leave as soon as she possibly could. Meanwhile as she left Tom hung back and decided to speak to Zoe himself. To see if he could try to get her to change her mind about Sam's suspension

He knocked on the door and he heard her say come in so he opened the door and closed it behind himself. Before he walked in Zoe looked up from the work that she was doing.

"I hear you suspended Sam?" Tom asked.

"Yes I did Tom. Sam left me with no choice" Zoe started.

"But she made one mistake," Tom muttered.

"Yes but she endangered the life of a patient and in my book that's a suspension. The patient could have died Tom" Zoe said trying to get her point across.

"But Sam's a brilliant doctor" Tom protested.

"Yes and I couldn't agree with you more there Tom. But Sam's in no fit state to be working as it is. She should have taken my offer this morning to take a few days out and come back when she's physically capable" Zoe said.

But something Zoe said caught Tom's attention and he changed the conversation all together.

"What do you know that I don't?" He asked raising an eyebrow.


	5. Chapter 5

_Chapter Five_

_"Yes but she endangered the life of a patient and in my book that's a suspension. The patient could have died Tom" Zoe said trying to get her point across._

_"But Sam's a brilliant doctor" Tom protested._

_"Yes and I couldn't agree with you more there Tom. But Sam's in no fit state to be working as it is. She should have taken my offer this morning to take a few days out and come back when she's physically capable" Zoe said._

_But something Zoe said caught Tom's attention and he changed the conversation all together._

_"What do you know that I don't?" He asked raising an eyebrow._

"I… I've already said enough, Tom you need to speak to Sam" Zoe said suddenly. She knew Sam didn't want everyone knowing her private life and she also knew Sam didn't want Tom to know about her condition, but it was clear to her that Tom wasn't going to give up that easily.

Tom cocked his head to the side as he looked at her again hoping Zoe would enlighten the situation but she didn't. He sighed. He was going have to get Sam to talk. And he knew himself that wasn't going to be an easy task. Sam hardly ever opened up to anyone. She'd got all these defences built around her.

She was a suffer in silence type. If she wasn't going to tell him then he would have to tell her that he was here for her no matter what the cost.

Tom soon left the office closing the door behind him. And leaving Zoe sighed to herself one question inside her mind. Had she made the right choice not telling Tom? If anything if she happened to be in Tom's shoes, she probably would want to hear it for himself and let him find out for himself.

Tom left the office and pulled out his mobile and all he got was voicemail.

"Sam I hope you're alright. I'm worried about you, call me" He said before he hung up.

Meanwhile a few hours later after finishing a mountain of paperwork Zoe Hanna's shift had finally ended as she rubbed her achy heels before slipping back on her shoes she headed home for the night as she left and got into her car. She drove past the local pub before she noticed a figure in the distance as she drove closer she noticed that it was Sam. Zoe cut the ignition of her car and got out and approached her carefully.

Zoe could smell the alcohol from a mile away. She also knew that Sam wasn't a big drinker ether so this had to be something serious. She sat herself down next to her. Zoe looked at the young lady in front of her. She could see Sam had been crying. Her eyes bloodshot. She looked vulnerable and emotionless. Not like the feisty and straight talking doctor that Zoe knew best.

"Sam, how many have you had?" Zoe asked the young lady in front of her.

"Erm I don't know. Lost count" Sam admitted.

"Bloody hell Sam you're freezing" Zoe said noticing how cold Sam's hand was. How long had she been out here?

"Right come on your coming home with me" Zoe muttered linking her arm in between Sam's. "I'm perfectly fine" Sam protested. "Well your coming home with me anyway, if you stay out here much longer you are at risk of hyperthermia" Zoe said. Doctor mode kicking in.

Sam steadily got to her feet with the help of Zoe and they soon got into the car Zoe strapped Sam in before she got back into the drivers side.

"Oh and if you think you're going to throw up. Give me some warning so I can pull over otherwise. You'll pay the dry cleaners bill" Zoe said cheekily. But all she got was a nod from Sam. As the car drove on Sam's attention locked on the window outside. They soon arrived at Zoe's apartment.

Sam got no further then a few paces before she vomited not giving Zoe much chance to react before Sam threw up all over her shoes. But she grabbed Sam's hair back and rubbed her back gently. "that's right get it all up" Zoe said gently. Much to the displeasure of it being on her shoes. When she was sure Sam was finished. She handed Sam a napkin to wipe her mouth on.

"Right lets get you to the spare room so you can sleep it off and sober up" Zoe said as they walked up the pathway. Zoe was shoeless now before she unlocked the door Sam went in first followed by Zoe, she showed Sam the spare room. No sooner had Sam's head touched the pillow she was sound asleep.

Zoe quickly took off Sam's jacket to make her more comfortable before heading to the bathroom to fetch a glass of water and paractomol for Sam in the morning and placed them on the table near the night light before hearing what sounded like a vibration coming from Sam's jacket pocket. Zoe quickly took the phone out of the pocket and noticed it was a text from Tom.

Tom:

**Sam where are you? I'm really worried. Call me x**

Zoe quickly responded to the text on Sam's behalf

**Tom it's Zoe, Sam's fine, I found her wondering the streets after last orders at the pub. She's stopping in my spare room for the night to give her chance to sober up. I'll let her know you texted in the morning. Zoe.**

Zoe quickly sent the text before she placed the phone back into the jacket pocket and leaving the spare room closing the door behind her. Sam was sure going to feel it in the morning.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six 

Sam woke the following morning the first thing she was aware of was the pounding headache that made her head feel as if it'd been smacked against a wall. It took her a few moments to realise that she wasn't in her own apartment her own double bed. Then she noticed the note on the bedside table and also a glass of water along with painkillers by the side, she was thankful for this even if she wasn't in her own bed.

Oh god. She hadn't gone home with a stranger. But then she had another look at the note and realised that Zoe was the writer. Sam was thankful for this before she pulled out her phone and noticed 10 missed calls – Tom. Sam sighed of course he would be worried. She should have texted him to let him know that she was fine.

Sam Nicholls wasn't a big drinker. Infact she stayed as far away as possible after seeing her father drink himself to death as she was growing up. She swore to never end up like him. But she had, she'd gone and got herself drunk because she couldn't handle her diagnosis.

As she left Zoe's shortly later. She decided to walk home it would awaken her up a lot better and it would probably help with the hangover from hell. As she walked home. she listened to one of many of Tom's voicemails. He sounded so concerned about her. she felt awful. Guilty even for pushing him away. But what else could she do? She couldn't exactly be honest with him now could she?.

She soon arrived home and to her surprise Tom was stood in her driveway. She sighed. She knew he was only concerned but running into him was the last thing she wanted right now. As she approached her front door in silence she looked at him. He looked back at her. as she unlocked the door. He blocked her way.

"Sam, what's going on? You vanish for hours on end have me worried sick thinking something seriously had happened and then Zoe tells me you went to the pub, and got drunk. Now the Sam Nicholls I know doesn't get drunk. So Sam tell me what's got into you?" Tom asked

"Not here" Sam whispered. She didn't want to cause a scene and have her neighbours gossiping. Where Sam lived was a town full of gossiping. People gossiping about each other.

Tom sighed before he followed Sam inside. She shut the door after him and hung her jacket up on the hanger, she didn't say anything to Tom. Just she headed up the stairs towards the bathroom, and shut the door behind her, he sighed, it seemed Tom wasn't going to get anywhere just yet. It had been a few days since Tom had stayed over.

As he made his way into the living room. He noticed newspapers stacked everywhere. Along with the stack of unopened mail that followed it. Tom frowned. It wasn't like Sam not to open her mail. Never mind leave it stacked on the table.

Meanwhile Sam was in the bathroom she was slumped on the floor. Next to the cool titles She picked up what were the remainders of a razor. Her hands had made quick work of the plastic having had an history of self harm.

Sam's hands were experts at destroying the razors for its blade. As she pulled her sleeve up. She took a breath before she glided the small but long and sharp razor blade along her arm.

She watched as the blood from her now open wounds along her am, all her anxieties vanishing into a puff of smoke. She felt the old but not new feeling of relief over power her. as her arm carried on bleeding, she relaxed.

Wanting the feeling of relief lasting forever. But her thoughts were shattered when she heard a knock on the bathroom door. Never mind that she had totally forgot that Tom was present downstairs. She quickly bandaged her now inquired arm. Not wanting to worry Tom any further. Before she unlocked the bathroom door.

"Sam are you alright?, we're going to be late" Tom said looking at her with concern on his face. Sam gave him the shrug of her shoulders before she quickly went to change in her bedroom into a fresh pair of clothes before she reappeared.

"Are you sure your alright?" Tom asked concern thick in his voice.

"I'm fine why wouldn't I be?" Sam replied

"It's just, don't get angry with me. but I noticed a prescription on the coffee table for pain killers. What's going on Sam?" Tom asked

"Nothings going on Tom. I'm perfectly fine. and next time I would appreciate it if you didn't go snooping in my private business" Sam exclaimed.

"But Sam I'm your.." Tom stated

"But your nothing. My business is my business is my own. And no one else's, do I make myself clear?" Sam exclaimed before walking in the E.D department leaving Tom stood there.

"Tom, she'll come around" said a voice Tom looked to see where it was coming from and he soon saw Zoe sat on the bench. Tom quickly walked over to her. if he wasn't going to get anywhere with Sam. maybe he could get Zoe to tell him. After all Tom Knew that Zoe knew something about Sam that he didn't. he was about to attempt his luck.

"I need to thank you for taking care of Sam last night" Tom said sitting down beside her. "she's a friend. I'm sure Sam would do the same" Zoe exclaimed.

"Yeah" Tom muttered

"I saw you two arguing, is everything okay between you guys?" Zoe asked him.

"No, not really" Tom admitted

"Yeah Sam's had it rough for the last few weeks" Zoe admitted to him

"Zoe you know when I asked you what do you know that I don't.." Tom trailed off

"Tom I've already told you, you need to speak to Sam about it" Zoe said calmly

"Yeah and look where that got me." Tom trailed off

"Oh you and Sam are so bloody stubborn. Tom you need to give her time. Let her come to you" Zoe muttered.

"Yeah" Tom said sighing

"She needs you" Zoe exclaimed

"she's got a funny way of showing it" Tom muttered

"trust me. she needs you to be there for her. she needs you Tom. Even if she wont admit to you. She does. Anyone can see that. talk to her because something is eating her up. Its been eating her up for weeks. Talk to her" Zoe said again, Tom nodded before leaving. She only hoped he would take her advice.


End file.
